An Open Letter to the Women My Boyfriend Slept With Before Me
''To My Boyfriend's Ex-Girlfriend,
This is probably going to sound weird because we've never actually met, but I know a lot about you from my boyfriend. Because before he was my boyfriend — and before a series of fruitless Tinder dates, one casual summer fling and a period of self-imposed celibacy (so he claims) — he was your boyfriend for two and a half years.
He's told me a good deal about you, and I've discerned a few things on my own; we all learn things from previous relationships, and convey to new partners what we now know. Some of it's amorphous; some of it's really specific. Call it relationship transference.
Anyway, I'm writing to say thank you. I can tell he learned a lot from you. He's great about doing the dishes; he knows there's no way in hell I'm the only one who's going to vacuum; and early in our relationship, when I commented on the neatness of his bedroom, he mentioned that his ex-girlfriend — you — wouldn't sleep over unless he made his bed. It's something for which his mother and I are both endlessly grateful...''
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